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Squeeze Machine

by Those Darn Accordions

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1.
This Song 03:47
2.
Blame it on TDA © P. Rogers 2006 I think I know the reason there’s banging in my head Ringing in my ears and I’m spinning in my bed Mamas’ in the hallway, says this can’t go on She says all my rowdy friends are making me do wrong Mama, I don’t blame it on myself, I don’t blame it on my friends No! I just blame it on those darn accordions I’m going where the squeezing and the pleasing never ends Tell ‘em you can find me with those darn accordions There’s a man down on the corner with a squeezebox in his hands How anybody plays one, I’ll never understand But the rhythm always gets me and a crowd is gathered ‘round I’m working on my 2 step and I miss the bus downtown I don’t blame it on myself, I don’t blame it on my friends No! I just blame it on those darn accordions I’m going where the squeezing and the pleasing never ends Tell ‘em you can find me with those darn accordions Now, I don’t have to worry when trouble comes around I chase it out the doorway with this funky sound I found So Mama if ya hear me, don’t let it worry you Just listen to the rhythm and you’ll be squeezin’ too. And don’t blame it on yourself, don’t blame it on your friends No! just blame it on those darn accordions We’re going where the squeezing and the pleasing never ends Tell ‘em you can find us with those darn accordions
3.
Tandem Bike 03:28
Tandem Bike ©2005 P Rogers/ C Abrahms Paul: “Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?” Paul & Carri:“I do, I do” I said and we’ve had a wonderful life Both: Seven years of bliss doing anything we like but it all went south when we went out and bought that Tandem Bike Tandem Bike! Wheels go ‘round Tandem Bike! We went down Just the memory of it makes me wince Tandem Bike! Paul :“pedal faster” Tandem Bike! Carri: “I am you bastard” Both: We’ve been cussin’ and a fightin’ ever since Paul: She’s leaning to the left while I’m leaning to the right Carri: I’m pedalin’ like Lance Armstrong while he brakes with all his might Both: It’s clear to everybody that we’re going nowhere fast We best start riding solo if we want this love to last Tandem Bike! Wheels go ‘round Tandem Bike! We went down Just the memory of it makes me wince Tandem Bike! (Paul): I’m doing all the work, dear Tandem Bike! (Carri): Why’d I marry this jerk here? We’ve been cussin’ and a fightin’ ever since SOLO Bridge: Carri: I’ll share a bed with you, I’ll share my French fries too We’ll walk hand in hand down a crowded avenue Paul: But when you’re on that seat You’re the furthest thing from sweet and I ain’t gonna call you Daisy Both: Though you’re making me half crazy…(Key modulation)…. Tandem Bike! wheels go ‘round Tandem Bike! we went down Just the memory of it makes me wince Tandem Bike! (Paul: “Why you messing with my fanny pack?” Tandem Bike! (Carri):“ I’m staring at your butt crack” Tandem Bike! Paul: She’s aiming at my bald spot Tandem Bike! Carri: Give me just one shot We’ve been cussin’ and a fightin’ ever since Tandem Bike!!!!!!!!
4.
A Glass of Beer © 2007 P Rogers VERSE 1 Sister called us up to build a new addition We said we'll do it, yeah, with only one condition Before we get the tools out or start to breaking ground We pour a glass of beer and drink the whole thing down CHORUS A glass of beer is what we're drinking here Let the good times roll let 'em overflow and when you hear sister say 'Oh Dear" We've poured another glass of beer (Oh dear, another glass of beer) VERSE 2 She met us at the door with some drawings in her hand I gave them to my brother, I threw them in the can I said it's just a rumpus room, what could be so hard? so we fired up the backhoe and dug up half the yard BRIDGE We poured the floor and framed the walls and started on the roof It looks a little crooked, but I think it’s waterproof Then we put a window where we should have put a door I said to Brother Drew it's time to have one more.. CHORUS Glass of beer, is what we're drinking here Let the good times roll let 'em overflow and when you hear sister say 'Oh Dear" We've poured another glass of beer (Oh dear, another glass of beer) VERSE 3 Well, we finally got it finished and our sister shed a tear I think she's just so happy to get us out of here It took twice as long and twice as much for just a place to play but it pleases in a Neo-postmodern kind of way It pleases in a Neo-postmodern kind of way CHORUS So, a glass of beer is what we're drinking here A frosty, foamy mug of cheer and when you hear (pause, open beer) at cue: sister says 'Oh Dear" We've poured another glass of beer (Oh dear, another glass of beer) Well, how do ya like it, Sis? The floor's a little squeaky, wha? What are you talking about? The sink's a little leaky, Whoa…Drew put that in The door's a little creaky Well, you gotta expect…yeah but at least it shuts....ugh Try it again (Bang) there…bang ..that’s good enough
5.
Wrinkle Suit 04:09
Old Wrinkle Suit ©2006 P.Rogers I’ve got a cold call up in Raleigh And a red eye to LA If I close in West Covina I’ll be home by Saturday I’m low man on the totem And I’m Loman back in coach And I’m feeling like a shadow of myself as we approach They call me Wrinkle Suit, Old Wrinkle Suit, that’s who I am And when you hear that front door slam There goes Wrinkle Suit once again You got to keep ‘em talking Once your foot is in the door It doesn’t matter what you’re selling They know what you’re there for And once the door is open Be closing all the time ‘Cause you gotta keep ‘em moving Right to the dotted line They call me Wrinkle Suit, Old Wrinkle Suit, that’s who I am I cover Baltimore…down the Jersey Shore Here comes Wrinkle Suit once again BRIDGE You gotta ask about the kids And maybe ‘bout the spouse But first you better find out If they’re still living in the house Know the liquor that they’re drinking Know the clubs they likes to use And from the moment that you tee off Make certain that you lose If you want to play this game You’ve got to learn the ropes And learn to tell the buyers From all the nopy nopes And every sale is heaven, no deal is ever dead You just got to squeeze the margins ‘til the boss is seeing red. They call me Wrinkle Suit, Old Wrinkle Suit, that’s who I am I cover Bowling Green…down to New Orleans Here comes Wrinkle Suit once again They call me Wrinkle Suit, Old Wrinkle Suit, that’s who I am And when you hear that front door slam There goes Wrinkle Suit once again
6.
Heads and Horns ©2006 PAUL ROGERS Heads and Horns Heads and Horns We’re gonna have a Hoe Down with a whole lot of Heads and Horns We’ve been taking trophies since the day we’s born… Gathering together with our Heads and Horns We got Blacktail, muledear, white tail deer (Typical-non-typical) Got the Pronghorn Antelope, Colorado Mountain goat, (Typical- non-typical) Do you have a trophy in hiding? You may have a winner on the wall Boone and Crockett judges are presiding Horns must be attached to the skull. CHORUS Got the Roosevelt Elk & the Bighorn Sheep, (Typical-non-typical) We got black bear, bobcat, never mind the polecat (Typical-non-typical) 1st prize is a 4 wheel ATV 2nd prize some ammo and you get to hunt with me 3rd prize is a deer stand that sits you way up high Everybody else, you get some rhubarb pie! CHORUS SOLO Do you have a trophy in hiding? You may have a winner on the wall Boone and Crockett judges are presiding Horns must be attached to the skull. CHORUS
7.
Cocktails In Tehran © 2007 P. Rogers/ DumDitty Music BMI We'll take our cocktails in Tehran Beneath a never-ending Persian sky While the minions pass each other by On the crowded streets below We'll have an aperitif for two As we wing our way to Zanzibar And leave our slightly dented rent-a-car On a beach as white as snow We'll be dancing on a breeze High above the emerald seas Then we'll spin beneath an ivory moon bow Ending at our feet We'll have our dinner in Marseilles Oh do. Let's get our own chalet Oh darling kiss me, won't you, s'il vous plaît To end a simply perfect day We'll have a holiday in Rome A cozy suite that sits among the ruins Where Nero calmly played his mournful tunes For fools like you and I Then Bora-Bora for the night It's a sight that never fails to please These two Nick-and-Nora wannabes Two bons vivants high in the sky We'll be floating on a breeze Over Polynesian seas And then we'll spend the day just chasing rainbows Always out of reach And as the music starts to fade I'll thrill to have you next to me It seems like an eternity Since our cocktails in Tehran
8.
The Janitor Knows © 2005 P Rogers There’s a scrimmage in the gym tonight And it’s running overtime He’s just about to kill the lights It was supposed to end by nine Those bleachers got to go in stacks And the floor needs a coat of wax. Who’s missing all their free throws? The Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows They’re playing in a fantasy world They don’t see the clock is ticking There’s a buzzer that’s about to sound And they’ll be outside screaming and kicking Then they’re gonna have to sink or swim But it really doesn’t matter to him Who’s soaping all the windows ?……..the Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows The Janitor knows Who’s smoking in the john The Janitor knows Who’s driving on the lawn The Janitor Knows…….. Once he had a name, he was the hero of every game But that boy lives down the hall In a trophy case on the wall Now he’s standing in a sea of teens Rushing by him in their baggy jeans They rule the world but they don’t know it They got it all, but they’re gonna blow it I guess that’s how it always goes……The Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows Breakdown-last verse Way in the back of the school In the boiler room behind the pool There’s a desk where he plans his day And maybe his get away This place has a ghost or two You’re gonna meet ‘em before you’re through So remember when as you pass ‘em by That it started with a little white lie Funny how it grows and grows…The Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows Standing in the shadows…the Janitor knows The Janitor knows Who’s writing on the walls The Janitor knows Who’s running down the halls The Janitor knows Who’s necking in the nooks The Janitor knows Who needs to hit the books The Janitor knows Who didn’t eat their veggies The Janitor knows Who’s giving all the wedgies The Janitor knows Who’s underneath the bleachers The Janitor knows Who’s messin’ with the teachers The Janitor knows Who’s gonna try to fake it The Janitor knows Who isn’t gonna make it The Janitor knows……….
9.
10.
MR SAGGY BUTT © 2005 P ROGERS HE DON’T NEED A NEW MAKEOVER DON’T NEED NO PLACE TO STAY AIN’T LOOKING FOR A 4 LEAF CLOVER JUST KICKING AT THE GROUND ALL DAY SITTIN ON A WALL AT THE MALL WITH A TEDDY BEAR HANGING ON A BUNGI FROM HIS BELT TALKIN’ TO THE AIR WITH A STARE AND A MINI CHIN GUPPY FACE ABOUT TO MELT TO (THE RIGHT NOW) CHORUS TURN, TURN IT AROUND LET THE MAN SLIDE THROUGH TURN, TURN IT AROUND LOOKING BACK AT YOU TURN, TURN IT AROUND GIVE HIM ROOM TO ROAM TURN, TURN IT AROUND GOOD TO HAVE YOU HOME… MISTER SAGGY BUTT LOOKING FOR A RIDE TO DENVER HE’S GOT A BUDDY IN THE FBI MAYBE WORKIN UNDERCOVER GOT HIS EYE ON YOU AND I STIRRING THROUGH A CAN WITH THE HAND OF A CONNOISSEUR LEAVE IT IF IT DON’T LOOK RIGHT FILLIN UP THE DUFFLE, WITH A SHUFFLE THROUGH THE CROWD HE’S GOING DOWNTOWN TONIGHT (TO THE LEFT NOW) CHORUS HE’S THE BEST OF THE OLD MALL WALKERS MOVING THROUGH THE SHOPPERS LIKE A GHOST LOOKING LIKE A MANNEQUIN STALKER THAT ‘S WHAT’S SCARING ME MOST STANDING IN A LINE GONNA DINE ON A STICKY BUN HOPING HE DON’T HAVE TO PAY FISHIN OUT A DIME FROM THE SLIME OF THE WISHIN’ WELL GONNA MAKE A BUNDLE TODAY (TO THE RIGHT NOW)
11.
Stupid Things I Done ©2005 P Rogers Stupid things I done Stupid things I done All in the name of fun Stupid things I done Bought a bucket of worms for twenty five dollars Sat and watched them squirm Hour after hour Thought I’d strike it rich Making fancy pillows They ended up looking Like sick armadillos Stupid things I done Stupid things I done All in the name of fun Stupid things I done Took my girl to the prom Driving mile after mile Instead of getting lucky I ended up in Ohio Bought a car from a fella Drinking CC and Seven I drove it ten miles It broke down in eleven Stupid things I done Stupid things I done All in the name of fun Stupid things I done Like trying to be frugal (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid things) And selling all my Google (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid things) Or letting this song (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid things) Go on this long (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid things) Stupid things I done Stupid things I done All in the name of fun Stupid things I done
12.
Bob and the Office People Bob and the Office People He's out there on a beach somewhere His heart is free and his buns are bare Bob and the Office People
13.
14.
Larry’s Wonderful Life © 2007 P Rogers Every now and then you meet a guy with the world on a string And every little thing is only getting better Larry is a guy like that A man at the top of his game And though he says we’re the same I think I know better. He never worries when the bills come due Every plan he makes comes through He does the things that I want to do, only better It’s a Wonderful Life A Wonderful Life I want to have Larry’s Wonderful Life So I’m watching every move he makes I’m learning how he gets it done Someday I’m gonna be the one He calls for favors And everything’s begun to change Now Larry’s looking over his shoulder I swear he looks a little older Every time we meet But I smile when I shake his hand And I tell him that he’s still the man Everything is going to plan..couldn’t be better And it’s a Wonderful Life A Wonderful Life I’m gonna have Larry’s Wonderful Life Gonna wear a snappy suit Gonna get his perks Gonna turn his whole world upside down Gotta find a way to bring him down Then Larry just up and left And handed everything to me I'm the one the boss is waiting to see And it’s got me worried ‘Cause; I saw Larry on the train today Laughing like he always did He said he’s feeling just like a kid Starting over He says he’s opened up a candy store And he doesn’t pace around the floor Or answer to that idiot anymore. Hey, No hard feelings And It’s a Wonderful Life A Wonderful Life I want to have Larry’s Wonderful Life

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TDA's 6th full length CD released in 2007.

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released September 18, 2007

Produced by Paul Rogers

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Those Darn Accordions San Francisco, California

San Francisco band Those Darn Accordions make the accordion do things it's never done before and have fun doing it.

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